dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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