I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
