Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
