I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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