she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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