well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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