I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
