Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
