its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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