I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
