she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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