You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Couch. On fire.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
