HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
