i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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