it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
