Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
