dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
