he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
