Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
