dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
