turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
