If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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