Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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