There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
