Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
