We named our party play list daddy issues
this beer tastes like vomit already
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
