Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
