oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
