you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
