i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
