You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
