it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
