Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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