everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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