Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well I just put wine in my tea
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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