you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
