You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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