Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
no, he came in my armpit
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
