dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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