He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
