Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize