It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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