is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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