well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
