honey bunches of taint.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I understand Curling. That high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
