I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We have started to decorate penises.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
