Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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