thus making me awesome and them whores
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
