D3 body, D1 cock
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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