His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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