They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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