The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
