so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I want her autograph on my taint
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
