First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
