I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
