I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I would ride that face into the sunset
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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