In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
