you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
