Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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