Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
