Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
