i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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