Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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