How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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