Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
