i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
