I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize